~Today ....

... at 5:20 PM

I lost my best friend.

My partner in crime.

The love of my life.

My heart.

My soul.

My existence.

 

I will never gaze into this sweet man's eyes again.

I will never see his contagious smile.

I will never hear his deep wonderful voice.

I will never hear him call me "Chick-a-dee" or "Jack" again.

 

His health had been declining so quickly the last couple of months.

We were hoping for a second boost of energy,

enough to get him to New Hampshire and in the condo.

He fought a hard fight all the way to the end.

I finally told him it was okay to "let go". 

And he did so in my arms as I stroked his face and his hair.

 

It's interesting because a few weeks before this

I had a specific song in my head every single night before we'd fall asleep.

I'd sing it to him in my head as I listened to him breathe

and fall asleep.

 

I Don't Want To Miss A Thing 

 

"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile while you are sleeping

While you're far away and dreaming

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender

I could stay lost in this moment forever

Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

 

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing

Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do

I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing.

 

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating

And I'm wondering what you're dreaming

Wondering if it's me you're seeing

Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together

I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever.

 

I don't wanna close my eyes.

I don't wanna fall asleep

Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing

Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do

I'd still miss you baby

and I don't want to miss a thing

 

I don't want to miss one smile

I don't want to miss one kiss

I just wanna be with you

right here

with you

just like this.

 



Tom, I don't know how I will manage through the rest of my life without you.

You will always be in my heart and on my mind.

 

Please visit me in my dreams.

I want to see your face every night.

 

♥

 

~ Dear ...

.... life.

WTF?

You are pissing me off with everything that you are throwing at Tom.

 

Tom isn't doing very well.

He was doing "okay" for a while and now he's not.

 

 

He has started sleeping 95% of the time.

He doesn't want to eat.

When he is awake, one minute he is coherent and then he drifts off and then the

next minute he is confused and lost. 

 

I am so effin' scared.  And sad.  And angry.

I cry ALL.THE.TIME

 

I tell him over and over and over and over and over and over

that I love him infinitely.

He says he loves me, too.

 

 

I can't stop touching his strong hands.

I want to hold onto them forever.

These hands took care of me.  Soothed me. 

Wiped my tears.  Comforted me. 

 

I want to make sure that he feels my touch as often as possible.

 

 

I don't ever want to let go.

Ever.

 

♥