Friday, December 12, 2014

~ Do You Believe ....

.... in signs?
Signs from our loved ones who have died?
 
I want to believe.
Since Tom died I keep searching for signs from him.
I keep praying to sense his presence.
There are no signs.
I do not feel his presence.
I think there are coincidences.
 
This week I had a few "coincidences".
 
Coincidence #1
Wednesday
Got up.  Poured myself a cup of coffee.
Walked over to the window and looked out.
There was a moving van.
It was "Tom's Moving Company".
For a second I thought "is Tom moving in or is he telling me
that it's okay to move out?"
 
Coincidence #2
Wednesday
Ran some errands. 
Pulled up into a parking spot.
The car in the spot in front of me had the license plate
"JACK-"
Tom called me "Jack".
 
Coincidence #3
Friday
On Thursday night I could not sleep.
I cried all night.   I thought about him all night.
I talked to him all night.
Why wasn't he with me?   Why couldn't I feel his presence?
As I crawled out of bed in the morning
I walked over to the bedroom window and looked out at the brook below
as I always do.
But today I noticed something.
Take a look.
Do you see it?
I saw it immediately.
Look closer.

Can you see the heart shaped rock?
The light snowfall overnight must have covered it to look that way.
A sign? 
A coincidence?
I don't know.  I want to believe.
 
It has been 5 months.
22 weeks.
154 days.
3,672 hours.
220,320 minutes.
13,219,200 seconds.
 
Of loneliness.
Of helplessness.
Of sorrow.
Of anger.
Of fear.
Of wanting to believe he is giving me signs.
Of wanting to feel his presence.