~ Friday Letters ....

.... I really like it when I get a chance to play.

Today I am playing along with Ashley Slater @ The Sweet Season blog

 

Dear Sky,

It's okay to be dark and gray sometimes.

I get it.

There are times when I feel dark ... and gray ....

and stormy .... and foreboding ....

 

And it's okay to just let it all out.

 

You thunder, lightning and rain.

I scream, shout and cry.

And it's okay.

 

 

Make as many puddles as you'd like.

I'll just puddle hop.

I'll pretend I'm 10 again ....

and I'll purposely step in every single puddle you rain down.

 

So, dear sky (and me)....

it's okay to be dark and gray sometimes.

Just remember to come back to blue skies.

 

"Clouds come floating into my life,

no longer to carry rain or usher storm,

but to add color to my sunset." ~ Rabindranath Tagore

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Now.....to play along with Nancy @ A Rural Journal

and "5 Random Facts"

1.  I was born and raised in Manchester, NH.

2. I am the 5th child of 6.

3.  I was excruciatingly shy growing up.

4.  I was a hippie.

5.  I got married when I was 19.

 

Tada!!!!!

 

♥   

 



~ Yay ....

 

.... me!!!!

 

Twenty years ago I decided to do something

that would change my life.

Something that I was afraid to do.

Something that I knew I had to do.

Something that I should have done sooner.

 

Twenty years ago

I became

a NON-SMOKER!!!!!

 

 

 

One year after quitting my risk of coronary heart disease

was 1/2 that of a smoker's.

10+ years after quitting my risk of lung cancer death

was 1/2 that of a smoker's

AND

15+ years after quitting my risk of stroke and coronary heart disease

is that of a non smoker!!!!

 

Yup!

I am patting myself on the back!!!

I am taking deep breaths

and not coughing!!!

I taste things differently.

I smell things differently.

I have more $$$ in my pockets.

 

Yay me!!!!!!

 

Now, excuse me while I kiss the sky!!!!

 

♥

 

 

 

~ Homeward Bound ....

♪.....and each town looks the same to me.

The movies and the factories

And every stranger's face I see

Reminds me that I long to be

Homeward bound.♫

 

If you haven't already, you need to head over to Kathy @ You'll Shoot Your Eye Out

and play along in her new link-up of Song-ography.

The first song-ography is "Homeward Bound" by Simon & Garfunkel.

 

 

I was born and raised in Manchester, New Hampshire.

My family are all still there.

This is a shot of one of the many "mills" running along the canal.

  Not only are they architecturally stunning but I also love the history they hold.

"The city of Manchester is located on the banks of the Merrimack River in Hillsborough County,

New Hampshire.

Prior to receiving its final name of Manchester, the city had other names starting with Nutfield, Tyng’s Town, then Harrytown [Old Harry's Town] and Derryfield.

Manchester was settled in the early 1700's, and was originally incorporated in 1752,

by the name of Derryfield.

In 1810 it received its present name of Manchester, and was incorporated as a city in 1846. Manchester has been called "Elm City of New England" and the "Queen City of New Hampshire."

Known by our French-Canadian ancestors as “la Main Street”, the shopping district was really on ELM Street, which runs through the city in a north-south direction, and it passes directly through the center. It was named Elm Street because of the many Elm trees that lined a great portion of the street. The American Elm trees typified both the north and south ends of the street, where families liked to build their homes. In 1938, many of the original elms were felled.

Elm Street is the longest dead end street on either end in the country!"

 

Whenever we head up to Manchester I never tire of seeing these buildings.

I remember one of my aunts working in one of the mills.

Every summer an uncle would come down from Canada

and at around 4:00 he would load us into the station wagon

and we would head to the mills to pick her up.

I still remember the sounds and the smells.

Unfortunately, some of these beautiful mill buildings were taken down.

Some remain and have been turned into businesses.

The buildings that do remain still take my breath away.

 

This is my "Homeward Bound"

 

♥

 

 



~ Friday's Letters ....

....on Sunday.

 

Dear Hummingbirds ...



because you aren't coming around, I've moved your feeder to a new spot.

Maybe this new spot will attract you.

There are more branches for you to sit on.

There's more shade.

There are more flowers around.

If you don't start visiting soon .... I will have no choice but to remove the feeder.

That will make me sad.

So, please?

 

Dear Finch ...

I was in the store the other day and this Finch feeder

caught my eye.

I've seen many finches flying around the neighborhood.

So I thought ... why not?

If I can't get the hummingbirds to visit

then maybe the finches will come and pose for me.

Please?

 

Dear Summer ...

....I can't take it anymore.

You're killing me with humidity.

And heat.

And haze.

The a/c is running 24/7.

It is wreaking havoc with my sinuses.

I am an open doors and windows kind of girl.

Being closed up is bringing me down.

I've tried sitting by the pool .... it's even too hot for that!!!!

I am really trying not to complain too much

because I know that in about 5 months

I will be piss, whining and moaning

about the snow!!!

Let's not even go there!!!!

So, Summer......

could you ease up on the 3 H's.

Please?

 

Dear Tom.....

...remember these days?

Seems like eons ago.

Your health was better then and you just loved our boat.

We had to give up some of these little pleasures in life because of your health problems.

I'm sorry.

I miss the way you loved heading to Pt. Judith every Thursday night

and staying until Sunday night.

I miss the way the stress just washed away from your face for the entire weekend.

It was frustrating this week when you had your quarterly visit with the cardiologist

and there were no answers to our questions.

It was frustrating to see the disappointment in your face

when you mentioned a new procedure that you had read up on

and he said it wouldn't work for you.

Nothing would.

He said their goal was to try to make your quality of life a priority.

It hurt on the ride home when we reviewed what the doctor said

and then we were both quiet

and then you said

"I'm dying."

I wish I could give you your health back ....

even if just for one day ....

and get you back on that boat ....

and watch the stress melt away from your face ...

just one more time.

Please?

 

♥

 

 

Read more "Friday's Letters" at 

The Sweet Season Blog

 

 

~ Dear ....

In my long absence I have still been following your blogs.

I really missed joining in.

I wanted to jump in on "Friday's Letters" .... but .... I can't seem to find that blog now.

So, I will just present you with my letters .....

 

Dear Bloggers .....

Thank you for re-visiting my blog and welcoming me back.

And thank you for letting me unlock my feelings and expressing your support.

I've missed the camaraderie.

Letting my thoughts flow once again felt good.

I appreciated some new faces visiting.

And I really appreciated some familiar faces coming back.

Thank you!

 

Dear Hummingbirds ....

  Why don't you visit?

What am I doing wrong?

I clean the feeder every few days and add new nectar.

I have the feeder in a partly sunny/shady area.

There are plenty of branches around for you to rest on.

Please come around.

 

Dear Sunflowers ....

It was tough going for awhile.

I put you out in the sunshine as seeds.

To my horror the squirrels were digging you up.

But you persisted.

And you are starting to grow.

I can't wait for you to bud and bloom.

 

Dear Life ....

 

Please present us with a bowl of cherries.

We need the break.

Life is so short as it is.  

Learning to accept what can't be changed is the first step.

My husband's health issues cannot be changed.

So I need to accept that and just deal with it.

It will help coming back into the blog world.

So, I am back.

I will no longer sit back and watch life go by.

I'm jumping in.

For my own sanity.

For my husband's sanity and peace of mind.

The last thing I need or want is for him to be worrying about me.

 

Yours truly,

♥

 

 

 



~ Blessings of the Day ...

 

 

 

 

I have been in a funk for the longest time.

I really lost interest in a lot of things.

I stopped picking up my camera.

I stopped taking my daily walks.

I stopped listening to music.

I'm not one to wear my heart on my sleeve.

So this post is difficult for me.

But I'm hoping that by "letting it out",

I'll find the strength to "shrug and send it on its way".

 

I really think that I

1.  have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).

I used to think "what a strange thing" but .... seems like in the late Fall

I start to get "down in the dumps".   I'm not sure if it's the early darkness

or the thought of snow storms getting me all knotted up.

But I think I may have SAD and that .... well .... makes me sad.

2.  have Caregiver Depression.

I always thought that when you love someone ...

no matter what happens to them ...

you take care of them. 

No complaints.  No doubts.  You just do.

I do believe that still.

But experiencing it is more difficult than I expected.

 

My husband is chronically ill.

He has congestive heart failure, an enlarged heart, atrial fibrillation, vascular disease,

liver issues, failing kidneys, mild diabetes, spinal stenosis, herniated disc,

neuropathic leg pain, extremely low blood pressure, gout .....

let's see .... what have I missed?

He is on his 4th ICD (Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator/Pacemaker).

Don't get me wrong.....he is not on his death bed.

But every day is a struggle.

I watch this 62 year old young man attempt to walk across the room

and can't .... so he has to stop midway and sit down to catch his breath.

This is a man who always ... always ... had a spring in his step.

I follow him up the stairs as he takes one step at a time and grabs the

handrail to literally pull himself up.

I see the pain in his eyes everyday.

Medically, I cannot help him.  

Medically, the doctors have admitted that they really have done

everything possible....there are no new meds out there.....no new procedures.

It is what it is.

Yet, he is 99% of the time in a decent mood.

I'm not.

Occasionally he'll express his disappointment in how this has changed things.

All of our "retirement" dreams .... pretty much down the drain.

But he wakes up cheerful.

Sometimes I'll watch him while he's at his computer ... or watching tv ...

and it just breaks my heart ... to pieces ...

In my heart's mind he is still that 19 year old

who swept me off my feet ...

who took my breath away ...

who gave me butterflies when he kissed me.

 

I think I'm taking all of this harder than he is.

Sometimes I get tired.

Sometimes.....I admit.....I get angry.

At him.

At myself.

At the situation.

But mostly at myself.

 

And he remains cheerful.

He tells me every morning, when he opens his eyes

and sees that he is still here,

he says it is a blessing.

 

I need to learn a lesson from this man.

 

 

"For every day that I may live

I'll keep a smile upon my face

because you put it there for me.

And should misfortune come along

I'll shrug and send it on its way

and count the blessings of the day, my love."

~ Rod McKuen

 

♥



~ Time . . .

. .. flies.

Time ... is on my side.

Time ... is of the essence.

Time ... is money.

Time.  Time.  Time.

 

Do you ever wish you could save time ...

... in a bottle?

Freeze time?

Do you ever wish you could go back in time?

Time seemed like forever when I was a kid. 

A month felt like a year!

The older I get, the faster time seems to go by.

A month feels like a day!

I feel like I don't have enough time.

Not enough time to do everything that I still need/want to do.

Sometimes I waste time ...

Sometimes I wish I could borrow time ...

They say that time heals all wounds.

I used to wear a watch every single day, especially when I was working

 ... I felt naked without one.

I haven't worn one in 3 years.

No need to watch the time ... keep track of time ... be on time ... leave on time.

Time.

 

"There is only one you for all time.  Fearlessly be yourself." ~ Anthony Rapp

 

♥