Our 35 year old son just visited us from North Carolina this past week. It had been a year since we saw him last. Sadly to say, I was ambivalent about the visit. We've had a rocky history, details of which I will not get into. The past is the past. So, as I said, I was unsure of his visit .... of his motives. His visit was two-fold. He was concerned about his Dad's health issues and wanted to see for himself that everything was okay and he recently connected with a high school friend and they are currently in a long distance relationship.
The visit was nice. No real drama took over. He seemed to be calmer. I didn't question it. I didn't want to jinx the fact that maybe he was finally growing up. I'm not saying that everything was perfect .... but it also wasn't as bad as I had anticipated.
We can never go back and change the things that were.
But we can go forward and hope that the things that were have taught us lessons.
We say "I love you" at the end of each phone call.
We choose our battles.
A Mom's heart is a funny thing. As he was leaving and we were saying our goodbyes, I found that I was now ambivalent about his leaving. I hugged him hard and my heart was aching with the thoughts of "will he be okay?" .... "will he take care of himself?" ..... "does he know he is loved?" I watched as he got into the car to leave .... I looked away for a moment .... and when I looked back there was my 5 year old son climbing into the front seat yelling "Bye, Mom!" I told him "I love you.....I love you...." over and over again. I wanted to make sure that he knew he is loved. And then I cried for what seemed like forever.
Stay safe, Keith. You are always in our heart ♥
Oh my goodness. I think 'worrying' is in a mom's job description, and a mom's job is never done no matter how old our kids are. I can totally relate to what you have written. Just because they have left the roost doesn't mean they have left our hearts.
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Kathy
Oh D-my wonderful, loving D. Your heart is big and full and you never ever stop being mom. this entry put a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Such emotion from you...sharing with us. Know that I'm thinking of you. Xoxo sis
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Ps...such a beautiful family portrait.
I feel where your coming from. It's as though we have to protect our hearts or it could break and we might just die from the pain BUT we don't. The only thing we can do is press on, trust God and love our kids unconditionally. He needed this visit as much as you did. We're human beings, there's no such thing as perfect. Not from him or from us. We can just take it one day at a time and hold on for dear life. Thank you for sharing your heart!!!! God Bless, Annie
ReplyDeleteOh, your words feel like they're filled with so much emotion and they feel sad too. That's so good you told him you loved him.
ReplyDeleteOh Diane, this is so touching ...
ReplyDeleteHow brave to share this, it's true that we can't go back and change things, but sometimes it's not longer possible to open your heart, glad you could.
Take care, you are in my thoughts !
Sylvia
I JUST READ YOUR BLOG ABOUT YOUR SON. I GOT CHILLS. PLEASE ALWAYS KNOW THAT YOU CAN SHARE WITH US. WE MAY NOT BE CLOSE AND NEVER SEE EACH OTHER BUT YOU ARE FAMILY AND THATS SOMETHING WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE. YOUR BLOG MOVED ME SO MUCH AND I WILL MAKE SURE THAT FROM THIS MOMENT ON I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SON. IT IS SO IMPORTANT AND NOTHING IS TO BIG FOR GOD TO FIX. A MOTHERS LOVE IS SO STRONG AND SO DEEP.....OOXX JANET POMPONIO
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