Tuesday, September 27, 2011
A Piece Of My Heart ...
Our 35 year old son just visited us from North Carolina this past week. It had been a year since we saw him last. Sadly to say, I was ambivalent about the visit. We've had a rocky history, details of which I will not get into. The past is the past. So, as I said, I was unsure of his visit .... of his motives. His visit was two-fold. He was concerned about his Dad's health issues and wanted to see for himself that everything was okay and he recently connected with a high school friend and they are currently in a long distance relationship.
The visit was nice. No real drama took over. He seemed to be calmer. I didn't question it. I didn't want to jinx the fact that maybe he was finally growing up. I'm not saying that everything was perfect .... but it also wasn't as bad as I had anticipated.
We can never go back and change the things that were.
But we can go forward and hope that the things that were have taught us lessons.
We say "I love you" at the end of each phone call.
We choose our battles.
A Mom's heart is a funny thing. As he was leaving and we were saying our goodbyes, I found that I was now ambivalent about his leaving. I hugged him hard and my heart was aching with the thoughts of "will he be okay?" .... "will he take care of himself?" ..... "does he know he is loved?" I watched as he got into the car to leave .... I looked away for a moment .... and when I looked back there was my 5 year old son climbing into the front seat yelling "Bye, Mom!" I told him "I love you.....I love you...." over and over again. I wanted to make sure that he knew he is loved. And then I cried for what seemed like forever.
Stay safe, Keith. You are always in our heart ♥