Friday, December 12, 2014

~ Do You Believe ....

.... in signs?
Signs from our loved ones who have died?
 
I want to believe.
Since Tom died I keep searching for signs from him.
I keep praying to sense his presence.
There are no signs.
I do not feel his presence.
I think there are coincidences.
 
This week I had a few "coincidences".
 
Coincidence #1
Wednesday
Got up.  Poured myself a cup of coffee.
Walked over to the window and looked out.
There was a moving van.
It was "Tom's Moving Company".
For a second I thought "is Tom moving in or is he telling me
that it's okay to move out?"
 
Coincidence #2
Wednesday
Ran some errands. 
Pulled up into a parking spot.
The car in the spot in front of me had the license plate
"JACK-"
Tom called me "Jack".
 
Coincidence #3
Friday
On Thursday night I could not sleep.
I cried all night.   I thought about him all night.
I talked to him all night.
Why wasn't he with me?   Why couldn't I feel his presence?
As I crawled out of bed in the morning
I walked over to the bedroom window and looked out at the brook below
as I always do.
But today I noticed something.
Take a look.
Do you see it?
I saw it immediately.
Look closer.

Can you see the heart shaped rock?
The light snowfall overnight must have covered it to look that way.
A sign? 
A coincidence?
I don't know.  I want to believe.
 
It has been 5 months.
22 weeks.
154 days.
3,672 hours.
220,320 minutes.
13,219,200 seconds.
 
Of loneliness.
Of helplessness.
Of sorrow.
Of anger.
Of fear.
Of wanting to believe he is giving me signs.
Of wanting to feel his presence.
 
 

19 comments:

  1. There are no right or wrongs to how you continue on after such a great loss. Do I believe - yes. After mom died, I would go over to her house to continue packing, cleaning, and would sit on the steps by where she took her last breath. I would talk to her, waiting, desperately hoping for a sign. So wanting to know she made it to the next destination okay that things were going to be okay without her. Nothing. I did something similar when my father had passed away - also falling short of getting that sign. Reading something into everything. And when I wasn't looking for it, it was there. A male exiting the hospital when my grandmother was passing - only a glimpse, but he looked so much like my dad I nearly called out for him. Waiting for my child to get out of school the grandfather of another student got out of his vehicle and stood waiting, standing in a fashion exactly as my dad used to stand. A sign? I think so. I think they were ways for me to never forget things about my dad and that has to be a message that it is all okay.

    My continue cyber hugs and prayers for you to find peace and to embrace again.

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  2. Those seem like signs to me :). I vividly remember my dad teaching me how to wink when I was little. It was something he would do throughout his life, slip s little wink my way. Everytime I see a sun flare peaking thru trees, I totally believe it is a sign from my dad...him giving me a wink from heaven, it's been 2 years since his passing. He has never appeared in any of my dreams. But the winks? Those appear to me :). Signs don't have to be blazing and obvious...they can be so subtle you might not even realiz they are there unless you pay attention and notice. Seems to me like you are noticing :). Blessings to you Diane.

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  3. Oh D-I hope you believe-these are crazy! He's with you...I beleive. I totally felt my mom the other day-it made me laugh-not cry. It set my feet just enough to float on air because of it. You know you are always in my thoughts, I'm always here for you-xo

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  4. we see what we look for and sometimes we find what we need. I am not sure if these things are gifts from where we cannot go or just something in the pudding we ate the night before. I know I feel the presence of my grandmother and my father with me from time to time on a completely empty stomach.

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  5. I surely did see the heart.
    They were signs to you..and that's what matters..
    Holiday season is particularly hard isn't it?
    I still think of my mom..and it was 41 years yesterday..
    I just had this discussion with someone on the beach during a long walk..she lost her husband in Septemeber..and has had signs..like yours..

    Take care take care take care..

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  6. Diane, I believe with all my heart, that Tom is still with you.

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  7. I do believe in signs, Diane and you should too...:)JP

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  8. I believe in signs too. This is a very difficult time of the year after the loss of a loved one. Believe!

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  9. Hi Diane...I blv that God sends things/people in our lives to tell us that we are ok/He is with us, and that He hasn't forgotten us. Thanks again for stopping by. Sorry to hear of your hubby's passing.

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  10. So sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time ...
    I do believe in signs, Diane !
    Take care ... thinking of you ...
    Sylvia

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  11. Sometimes the "signs" we need are right there in front of us. We just have to stop looking for them and let them come naturally. I believe the things you have experienced are indeed signs and blessings to help you through this time. Hugs and Prayers as you go through the holiday season. Remember the joy and the good times and keep that spirit alive.

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  12. I really, truly, 100% believe in signs. My husband and I have lots of stories about signs from family members, and my dear friend, who lost her husband has had many coincidences like you have. Take comfort in them.

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  13. Oh, my! What a touching post.

    I don't think those are coincidences!

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  15. I deleted my previous comment as there was a typo..just wanted to say I am thinking of you.

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  16. Such a beautiful post, Diane ... I believe in small and big miracles and blessings, that take place in our lives ... Like you describe so vividly, feeling closer to Tom and his love for you. Sending you warm thoughts and I wish we would live on the same continent - it would be lovely to sit together over coffee, and to hear you telling your & Tom's story.

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  17. Ofcourse these are signs letting you know that he will always be with you, in your thoughts and in your heart. I wish I was close enough to give you a big hug!!

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  18. Diane, I felt the need to comment here. My heart hurts for you. I lost my husband after 25 years and it does suck!! It has been 15 years, and I am now remarried (never thought that could or would happen). Fortunately or unfortunately life does go on. Yes he is with you always. Never forget that. Sending you hope…..
    Marilyn
    See you in Be Still 52.

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  19. A very touching post. I can't say that I know how you feel, but my heart does go out to you. Signs or coincidence, I do believe that Tom will always be with you.

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